by Clare Archibald
although it should already be clear that I won’t.
Seven times only have I asked and seven times fully/ have only the lips been in service.
All times/ the venues and people have been holders of/intended/ care and respect/yet/
they have heard but not/ seen.
Each time/ I have responded definitively.
The first time/ they proactively asked in advance/I replied immediately and /to repeated questioning /upon arrival
Afterwards/ my memory/ of the experience/ unfortunately became attached to a photograph/ of me/ floating without consent
The very first thing/ they shared/ in public/ in fact
All/ I felt/ was my bodily memories of each and every moment that/ ever/ weighed me down.
It is probably less clear that/ for your sake/ I am not now going to detail each and every time that when I say/ no/ I do not want to be in your photographs /I mean/ I as a whole self /not the I that you choose/ to see /me/ as/
A back, legs, a jacket, hair, hands. Never a full body. So/ apparently/ never/ ‘me’
According to/them or even perhaps/you/ that is okay.
Me existing only in totality/ as myth/ created to avoid/ the truth that the me that exists/ is all parts of me/face on or not/still
The me of mouth and fingers that made signs of refusal/within wanting to/ partake.
It should be clear that I do not have to say/why.
Some of the times/ people assuage their chosen refutal of the sum of my parts/ with a refrain of “oh but you look great” despite /my assertion that/ my decision /is not based on vanity. And even if it was /this/ does not give permission.
Other times/ the experience exists urgently/ and with priority/ only/ in pounds, pence and status affirmation/ IF/ it is photographed/ and my body/ all of my body/ broken down into parts/becomes/ a business model.
Fortunately/for me/it is not an issue of safety/ for others/ who knows/ but
in reality then/ they will perhaps no longer dare to attend events or experience group learning/ because they know the weight/ of the put together parts/ when seen through a malevolent eye. The price that will have to be paid for/ public display.
Name your values/identify the body as you see it and/ one day/ you too will understand that this is not inclusion it is/simply words/ erasure and/ pretty pictures.
Clare Archibald is a person who tries stuff that often intersects, transforms and connects whilst exploring tension in the same but different ways. Various works are imminent, ongoing and yet to be disclosed. Her new website less so. https://clarearchibald.com/